Friday, 11 October 2013

Flash Fiction - 3 : The Pornographer

"The trouble with porn these days is that everything has been done," said Kanjilal Cwmbullet. "But, now, I have a idea that will be the first original idea thing since the original sin."
"What would that be, Cwmber?" asked Caiaphas Crown, his assistant.
"The evolution of nunsploitation. The pinnacle of prophet perversion. Gods going at it," said Kanjilal.
"Religious porn?" asked Caiaphas.
"Indeed," said Kanjilal.
Greek God Gangbang was an instant success. It started with Kratos fans, and spread quickly among the general public. Historians and bestialists praised the realistic depiction of the taking of Europa. Myth nerds marvelled at the accuracy of Io's seduction. The Daily Beast featured an interview with Kanjilal on its home page. Time magazine put him on its cover. Rick Riordan and the Olympian Society contemplated legal action.Gawker and Fleshbot tripled their pageviews with their coverage of the phenomenon. Bunnies, the vibrator manufacturer, launched a new line of Hephaestus devices - "The mythical experience for the Venus in you." Jon and Lon Long, the real life twins who played Castor and Pollux, became superstars.
"This is just the beginning," announced Kanjilal to Tracy Clark Flory. "Our next production is going to be the greatest thing in porn ever. The porn industry's Intolerance. There will be four stories - The Rasa Leela from Hinduism, The Last Supper from Christianity, Mohammed and his harem, and the Bodhisatva Avalokiteswara helping a group of villagers achieve Nirvana. They will be linked by images of the procreation principle - a man and a woman lost to time and space - doing what they do best.  I'm planning to get James Deen to play the role of Krishna, but he will have to shave and get his skin dyed blue. That sequence should cater to the milf lovers - after all, the gopis were older than Krishna. The last supper, of course will be one for the bukkake aficionados. Mary Magdalene with Jesus and the apostles. And the Islam scene will be the mirror image - the prophet (pbuh) with his 13 wives. And finally, the Avalokiteswara scenes will have things that should stimulate viewers of all orientations. Or we may replace that with a section titled Dawkins Duz Darwin - that's a twofer right there - catering to the gay community and atheists"
"Aren't you afraid that most people who identify with these religious or atheist groups may find this concept offensive?" asked Clark Flory.
"Oh, we will take great care that we don't stereotype. All the actors who play the main characters will all measure the same. We do not want to people fighting over whose prophet or god is bigger. Holy Fucks - that's the working title - wants to unify all religions through the one one thing that unifies people. Sex," said Kanjilal.
Word spread about Holy Fucks. Pat Robertson raged about it on TV. Even Pope Francis said that it may not be the best idea in the world. The mullahs of Iran went beyond fatwas to fatwhaaaa???s. In Sri Lanka and Burma, the buddhists stopped butchering others to protest the film.
Kanjilal was delighted. "The publicity is superb,"  as he got off the Emirates flight to Ahmedabad. He was met by a mob of infuriated Hindus, Muslims and Christians, and a lone Buddhist, who attacked him in perfect harmony.
The Nobel Prize for Peace that year was the first one awarded posthumously. "For services in uniting religions all across the world," read the accompanying citation.