"I am glad he has left us," he said. "Smoking is a subject on which I hold strong views. I look upon tobacco as life's outstanding boon and it annoys me to hear these faddists abusing it. And how foolish their arguments are, and how easily refted. They come to me and tell methat if they place two drops of nicotine on the tongue of a dog the animal instantly dies: and when I ask them if they ever tried the childishly simple device of not placing nicotine on the dog's tongue, they have nothing to reply. They are non-plussed. They go away mumbling something about never having thought of that"
Mr. Mulliner, The Man Who Gave Up Smoking
I am, as ever, in complete agreement with Mr. Mulliner. Not only does he speak with his usual sound common sense, but he also echoes the point of view that kept his creator happily chuffing away till the ripe old age of seventy six.
Nowadays, however, the faddists have become a lot more influential, and as ubiquitous as the cockroach. You can see their cancerous tentacles everywhere, from entire towns that do not allow smoking to recommendations that smokers be denied health care.
I wonder if any of these fanatics have ever experienced the true bliss a well timed smoke can provide. The trouble is, these are the people who probably never had a good meal in their lives and their outlook on life has been coloured by dyspepsia. No one, no one who has dined well, so well that they had to undo the tops of their trousers to let the food settle, would ever cavil at the noble smoke that follows.
Or maybe its the other end of the alimentary canal at work here. May be the grunting and straining on the porcelain pot in the morning has embittered these faddists. If they had any idea of the pleasure that sitting on the white throne in the morning after a good strong South Indian coffee, with crossword and cigarette, their sunny smiles would brighten everyone’s day.
Don’t take my word for this. I don’t eat fish, and therefore am notably deficient in the cranial content department . Take this guy, for instance – he’s almost as intelligent as Jeeves.
“I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgement in all human affairs."
Albert Einstein, some bloke who lived a long and eventful life
But while the world turns against me, I will remain devoted to smoking – and that’s smoking both the divine and profane herbs. And for those who tell me “It contaminates the air, pollutes my hair and clothes, not to mention my lungs.”, I request they stop breathing and farting – because they contaminate my lungs with their poisonous Carbon Dioxide and their foul methane, butyric acid and hydrogen sulphide cocktails. And will you stop driving your petrol drinking exhaust exhaling vehicle start riding a bicycle while you are at it…